Heaven Knows
by domino.dice
Summary: Ayame has always adored Hatori, few know exactly how much. There is trouble when Akito sees something in their New Year's dance that Hatori has overlooked his whole life. Onesided AyameHatori, Spoilers.
1. Gala

Halfway through writing this I remembered that I should be using feminine pronouns for Akito, since it's set in the manga and not the anime. If you see any pronoun trouble in here, let me know. (Thanks Twill, for bringing that one bit to my attention!)

And contrary to what my stories so far may lead you to believe, Hatori really isn't one of my most favorite characters, he just happens to be a common factor between my two most favorite characters. For this one, I didn't want to do the entire thing from Ayame's POV for certain reasons, so that left Hatori.

* * *

'Are you nervous?' It was a question asked rather casually, but with most things asked of this person, the response was flurried and excited. 

'Ah, no! Not at all. Alright, a little, but I am fully entitled to be! I was much younger the last time we did this, after all, and have I told you yet how much that outfit suits you '

I sighed a little. Ayame always seemed intent on testing the limits of my patience, even if it was unintentional. 'You have. Several times now, in fact.'

'Perhaps that is because I cannot get over how well it suits you, Tori-san. It's almost a shame that it wasn't yours truly who made it for you. That would be my most praised creation if it was!'

My response to this was silence. This was a formal gathering and it wouldn't do any good to encourage his hyperactivity now.

It was once more New Years', and all the Jyuuniichi, Kyo excluded, were gathered for the private ceremony for only those cursed with the animal spirits of the zodiac and the emperor to oversee it. It was the Year of the Snake, and as such I would be dancing with Ayame during the finale and close of the ceremony. Currently we were dining in out proper seats; Akito as always, sat at the head of the table with Ayame representing the new year to her right, and myself, the old year, to her left. Next year, Ayame would sit where I did then and it cycled.

Which meant, no matter what, I always sat next to, or across from Ayame.

Every year was a trial.

So on Ayame chattered, hardly seeming to notice or perhaps he didn't much care about his proximity to Akito, but the family head did not comment on or reprimand Ayame's rather boisterous behavior, and didn't in fact say anything at all as she watched everyone else eat, not taking anything for herself. This meant that, later in the evening, after the celebration, I would have to get her to eat something.

Every year was the same.

As the evening progressed, Ayame seemed to exponentially grow more excited the closer it came to the time of our dance. Dinner concluded, and everyone moved into the adjacent hall. Only Ayame and I stayed behind to make sure we were completely prepared. When everyone was gone, Ayame stood, suddenly quiet, and adjusted his elaborate uniform almost feverishly, and he did look a little more pale than usual.

I recalled the last time it was turning to the Year of the Snake. If I remembered correctly, he had behaved in a similar fashion, but the following year when he was to dance with Isuzu, he was as at ease as it was possible for him to be. It wasn't something that I thought much about then; gradeschool years are always turbulent, and there were other things to think about then, but now it stood out quite clearly. It was very unlike Ayame to act this way, there were so few things that fazed him, and none that I could put my finger on at that particular moment in time. I decided to voice my concern, but as casually as I could. It would worry him to know I was worried, because he knew I tended not to fret over things, though I was not quite as… informal as he and Shigure.

'Something bothering you?'

Ayame turned to face me. 'Does this suit me?'

I stared at him for several long moments, at first not entirely sure what he meant by that, but then realizing he meant the uniform, it struck me as a typical sort of thing he'd say. It didn't quite seem like that was it though… he still seemed a little too nervous for that. I answered simply, to appease him. 'It does.'

'I thought so,' He said in his usual loud manner. 'While once more it's a shame I didn't make this, for you approve of it, I'm willing to tolerate it.' He added, 'I like it too.'

While it was true that he was looking for approval, it seemed somehow more deep seated than just his attire. I would not press. If it was something truly important to him, he would most certainly tell me, for he certainly shared a fair amount of arguably trivial concerns at best.

I stood and started towards the door to the hall where the others waited. Ayame was a little slower in following, careful in his steps. I paused before the door, and he came up beside me. I stole a glance at him, and as he stood there, waiting by the door, there was… apprehension in his features.

What was he so worried about?

This really was not like him at all. Public performances were his daily domain. He made a point of making this so, but somehow this was different for him?

I opened the door. All faces turned our way. Music rose in the air of the hall.

In a practiced way, I took his hand and brought it up to eye level, leading him, the new year, into the hall of the Jade Emperor. Once we were more into the center of the hall, I guided him until he faced me.

So rarely did I see him with such a serious expression…

We bowed to each other, and the queue in the music came to begin. I took his other hand and the dance began. He closed his eyes, and acted almost as though he didn't know all the movements by heart; his motions were mere instants behind mine, as though letting me lead. I didn't much see the faces of the others, because the dance partners were meant to look only at each other, but the expressions were little different from how they were every year, save Akito…

Akito did look rather upset.

She must have seen something that I had not. No movements made by either of us had been wrong, and we concluded the dance flawlessly, but still Akito looked simply incensed. It was the subtle expression that almost always played over her features before she flew off the handle. She stood…

All looked at her, rising with her.

She left. Just as simple as that. Nothing other than that happened, she only stood and walked from the hall. We all looked at her as she left, every last one of us having recognized the expression, save Ayame who had his eyes closed at the time.

He opened them now, wondering what the sudden silence was, whatever his apprehension was completely gone from his manner. There was scattered applause from our small audience as they attempted to follow through with the close of the ceremony, but Akito's abrupt departure had already broken the basis of the ritual.

With little else to do, everyone else also left, all returning to their respective homes, Ayame and I leaving to get changed.

Already, I was resigned to whatever it was Akito was preparing, and still I could not fathom what went wrong. We did all that was necessary, yet no more than that. Exactly as it should be.

Changed, I started towards the main house, and I doubted I'd be able to persuade her to eat anything this night.

What had she seen that I had not…?


	2. Implore

Yay! A big thanks to all of the TWO people who have reviewed this so far. My undying love goes out to you. My Twill didn't even review it yet, and Twill reviews everything. I still love you, Twill, man!

_Implore_

It was strange when Akito seemed reassured by the fact that I didn't know what exactly it was that bothered her. I had asked about the dance, quite delicately, the following afternoon.

'You don't know?' She said, echoing my words with cynicism. 'There, you were there, closest, and you didn't s…' She trailed off, coming to a conclusion that must have suited her. 'Well that's good, then.' She said with a smile. It pleased her that I didn't know…

…which meant that someone was in pain because of it.

I silently resolved to find out whatever this was, though I wasn't entirely certain where to begin. It was likely that I could attempt to approach Kureno or possibly even Shigure at a later time, for Akito tended to confide in only them, but neither was terribly reliable when it came to revealing Akito's secrets. I believed it had something to do with the dance, possibly Ayame himself…

I would go see Ayame.

I must have seemed a little too intent on leaving when I turned to go, because Akito inquired as to my destination, with some degree of suspicion.

I could not lie to the head of the house. The repercussions would be too great later. 'I'm going to visit Ayame.'

'Really…? What for?' Again, her tone was laced with suspicion.

'Simply to see how he enjoyed the festivities last night.'

'Hm.' There was something in her eyes… she was calculating. It was there only a moment before she said rather dismissively, 'Do whatever you like.'

Ayame would not tell me what I needed to know.

If Akito was content with the fact that I didn't know, she wouldn't let me leave to find out unless she knew that I wouldn't. Or… that in finding out, the situation would get no better.

I left anyway. That place, Akito, and Kureno silent at the foot of the bed wore on me quickly in these sorts of situations. There was a stifling feeling of oppression. Very few things indeed did not go Akito's way, and judging by the swiftness of her decision, she was quite certain that all this would end the way she wanted it to.

I got into my car and simply sat there for several minutes, lost in thought. I now had to go and see Ayame, because Akito now would check with him about what we talked about. With a sigh, I started the car. Akito was a force present in every corner, every aspect of the family and its functions. This, I suppose, was only natural for the head of the family, but the length she goes to know all of the family business… it was totalitarian, the hold she had over the family, and Shigure was her secret police. Shigure told her everything that she could not, or would not, find out on her own.

I shook myself of these thoughts and started towards Ayame's apartment building. As stressful as spending time with Ayame could be, it certainly kept one's mind off of the darker things in life.

The door flew open, my very arrival somehow triggering some sixth sense in Ayame that exempted me from having to ring the doorbell. 'Tori-san! What a delightful and unexpected turn of events that brings you to my doorstep.' With a smile, Ayame stepped aside to let me in

'Oh, I'll take a moment to put on some tea.' Ayame vanished into the kitchen.

I removed my shoes, leaving them at the door, and found a place to sit in the living room. I hadn't been to Ayame's flat in a long time, though little had changed. It was surprisingly tame, compared to his rather extravagant personality, but still reflected his tastes; there were bright colours, intricate patterns and lace dominating the décor, but it fitted together nicely, creating a soft sort of mood. I remembered how warm the atmosphere was- it was quite far-removed from the wood and dark windows at the main estate.

Ayame returned, carrying a small tray which he set on the low table in the center of the room, and sat quietly across from me. 'What's on your mind?' He asked, pouring each of us a cup of tea, but giving me mine first.

'Ah, not much.' I replied, taking a sip.

'I know that isn't true,' Ayame chimed. 'You wouldn't come to see me unless it was important.'

What was implied by that statement…

It was unintentional, I knew, and it shouldn't even have bothered me. _You wouldn't come to see me unless it was important..._ A small part of my mind alerted me to the fact that I almost avoided Ayame unless there was someone else present. I could count on one hand the number of times I had sought him, and this time was one of them. There were so few times where he and I were actually alone together, and somehow I had never really taken notice of that fact before…

'Tori-san? You are especially thoughtful today, it seems.'

I shook off the thought, deciding to go right to business. If I didn't, my thoughts would stray again. 'Akito was upset with our New Years' dance.'

Ayame blinked. 'Aah, neither of us… did anything wrong, I didn't think. We dance beautifully together!'

'So nothing was said to you about it?'

'Not at all, but if I wrote a formal composition of apology, that would be acceptable do you think?'

Ayame was breezing over the issue. He was fortunately one of the Jyuuniishi that Akito seldom had direct contact with. He had never done anything worthy of Akito's wrath, and basically just kept a quiet life to himself, however strange that life may have been. Ayame, in fact, was the Jyuuniishi who had been most successful at detaching himself from the family, though that also meant Yuki; his acquaintanceship wit Tohru was nothing more than that, though he thoroughly teased the subject to lead people to believe otherwise, he had not made any 'forbidden' attachments…

But then what reason would Akito have found to be irate with him now?

'I'm not sure, Ayame.'

'Tori-san, how big a deal is this…?' There was a notion of worry in Ayame's tone. Though he had done nothing himself, yet, he knew full well what sorts of things Akito was capable of.

'Again, that's not a question I can answer yet.' A part of me wanted to ask outright if there was anything bothering him about all this other than the obvious, but something was not quite right about that. 'There wasn't anything you noticed about the New Years' celebration?'

'Nothing I haven't done before.' Ayame's tone was strangely subdued. There was something bothering him after all…

I nodded and stood to leave, having finished my tea. Ayame would tell me if it was important, for after all, he told me everything else.


	3. Clearly

_Clearly_

'Tori-san came to see me today.'

'You make that sound like it's a bad thing.' I said, maybe a little too dismissively. I paused a moment- this was Hatori we were talking about. If he was the one doing the visiting, either someone got him to do it, or it was serious. '...was it?'

'He said that Akito _saw_.'

'Saw what, Aaya?' He was acting a little funny. Only when it came to Hatori, or sometimes Yuki was he this serious, and it worried me... and I'm not one to be worried easily. 'Get talking.'

There was the smallest of sighs as he took a moment to think. 'Gure-san, you already know what I think of Hatori. I wasn't careful enough during the dance, that's all.'

'Aaya, Aaya...' Yes, I did know. Of course I did. In fact, now that it appeared that Akito knew, Hatori himself was probably the only one who didn't. For all his intelligence and logic, it was so easy for him to overlook something as simple to see as emotion. He was one of my best friends, but his distant attitude could be somewhat wearing on a person. Sadly these days, our little Mabudachi Trio… we didn't all see eye-to-eye, and for various reasons. Aaya would confide in me about Hatori, I would talk to Hatori about Ayame, but none of us really knew what the others thought of us, which is usually a destructive force. We were drifting apart...

Though, I'd known what Ayame thought of Hatori since high school- maybe even before Aaya himself knew. Naturally, I had to tease him about it until he realized, and even after. How could I pass up an opportunity like that? It was too tempting not to, I even teased Hatori about it, though to this day he still doesn't quite get it.

But after graduation...

That night was hard to forget. I thought I knew everything about my friends, how they'd react to things, what they'd do in certain situations, but that night defied what I knew about Aaya. I was walking with him, the two of us on our way back to the estate. Hatori had gone back earlier in the evening, not being one to enjoy parties too much, especially since he had difficulty tolerating Ayame and I- it was grad, it was a party, there were drinks… easy to get the picture. I believe it was the most Aaya and I had drank in one go to that point, but even so, I remember it clear as a bell.

'Such a shame you didn't ask Haa-san to dance with you.' Though I was unsteady on my feet, I still somehow managed to elbow Ayame in the side without falling down. 'It would have been beautiful, like when you danced at New Years' in middle school' I kept teasing, oblivious to the look on Ayame's face. 'This would have been an awesome night to confess!'

'Yes, Gure-san.' I was having so much fun, and his unusually blue tone startled me into looking at him. He walked, sort of, and staring ahead like he was trying not to meet my eye. When he didn't say anything else, I stepped closer to him, unable to fathom what the problem could be. He laughed with me those other times I teased him... But before I could get a good look at him, we passed a bench which he stopped in front of for a moment, then he sat a little hard and buried his face in his hands.

Wasted as I was, there was no way I could say anything that would have helped, and I didn't even totally know why he was so upset. It wasn't until the following morning when my headache was drown in a sea of Tylenol that I knew my mistake. He wasn't as able to take hold of his unwanted feelings and stuff them into that box he keeps in a dark, unknown corner of his mind.

He was that way every time he was teased about it, reminded of it… though he was strong enough not to show it. There are few burdens heavier than the weight of unrequited love. I never breathed a word about it again to him unless he was the one who brought the topic around.

Which wasn't often. This was one of those rare, few times. 'Hatori didn't notice at all?'

'No.'

'Honest to god, that man has no eyes. You should tell him.'

'Shigure.' I flinched inwardly. Ayame almost never called anyone by anything but his nickname for them. 'You know I can't. All of the Jyuuniishi have their crosses to bear, this happens to be mine. If I tell Tori-san... I'd only be giving him mine, not getting rid of it.' He was so serious... 'I can't do that to Hatori.'

'Aaya... you need a break from this for a while. You and I can go out somewhere--'

'No, Gure-san, I'll be alright here. I'll just have to be more careful. Besides, I have plans to engage Yuki tomorrow, and kidnap him. I will show him our favorite park, I'll tell him about our favorite spot...'

Already he had moved on to a different topic. This was even hard for me to deal with. It was a pain that Ayame didn't know how to come to terms with, and it was unapproachable. It was almost taboo- he wouldn't do anything about it because he didn't think he could, so everyone else was helpless to do anything for him. And Aaya, being the person he was, would never let me worry about him, or anyone else. He was Aaya, he was invincible… he was almost flawless at keeping up this image, because only myself, Hatori and Mine had ever seen him otherwise. Outward he was all sunshine, and there were many times that even I forgot he had problems of his own.

'Aaya, you have a heart of gold.'

Ayame paused. I had interrupted him in the middle of a sentence, but he replied. 'Why, thank you, Gure-san, but we all only do what we can.' Since he had moved on, he probably misunderstood why I said that.

The conversation continued, without much else of terrible importance, and when I hung up, there was a voice behind me.

'How is he?'

'Worse than he pretends to be. Were you listening the whole time, Yuki-kun?'

'Long enough to know he has a problem.' A pause... 'And long enough to know I'll be seeing him tomorrow.'

'Well, he hasn't given up on you yet,' I said, chuckling at his almost-exasperation. 'Good thing, too, you need something to keep you on your toes. You should humor him tomorrow though. He'd be happy if you went along with him. Don't worry, nothing too strange has happened in that park, that I know of.'

Yuki sighed. 'I'll go, and I'll listen to him, but it had better help whatever mood he's in.' He added, 'I don't think I even want to know what would bother him.'

He thought it was something perverse or eccentric, did he? 'Hearts aren't to be trifled with, Yuki-kun. No one is immune to emotional issues. Don't mistake your brother for someone who can just laugh everything off.'

Yuki looked at me, having not expected my sudden seriousness, but nodded. He stood there for a short while, probably contemplating whether to go, or stay, but chose to stay, because he asked, 'What exactly is his problem, anyway? You said something about hearts?'

'Ah, Yuki-kun. Your brother's love-life is for him to tell you about.'

'I don't want to know.' He said quickly, and turned to go.

'Don't say anything to him about it though, or what you heard.' I pulled out the newspaper after he nodded and left.If left to his own devices, I was sure Aaya would be alright. It was only when his equilibrium of open happiness and boxed darkness was disturbed by some outside force that he would be more likely to crumble. As flamboyant as he was, he was also flighty, fickle at times... If Akito now knew about his feelings for Hatori, things would probably get worse for him. As much as I cared for Akito, I knew she was manipulative, and would twist Aaya every which way until he snapped.

I can't even imagine how Aaya would be if that happened. It was too inconceivable, but it just came several steps closer to being a reality.


	4. Foreshadow

(Dances) I'm on R.C. McLachlan's alert list! Truly, I have now achieved all I ever wanted in life, except a trip to Japan. Wella, I think I'm long overdue for addressing individual reviewers, but I love you all. Gomen, this one kept getting put off. Shadow Play demanded attention, and then the research for the House fic... 

Hatorispring, you were my most devoted Furuba fanfic fan D You need hugs and chocolate. K-Chan has also read and reviewed all my FB stories, and shall also get hugs and chocolate. Paperclipluver, I'm glad you like it too For Serendipity1, Shigure will be part of it o'course. He's one of the Mabudatchi trio, so absolutely! Z-chan, dun worry about that one review, so long as you got one in. Lavender butterfly, I really do try to keep everyone IC It takes hours and hours of role playing with friends to perfect a chatacter personality, whether original or existing. As for Twill... you know what I think of you man! Slow Motion Runner (love the penname) I dunno what to say for you other than don't stop reviewing Halo Arrowtail also knows what I think of her I'm glad I've got a 'suspense factor' Silverkitsunehiei. I bow for you Souma-Ayame-san, and Ayame must do a bow for everyone too, because this story's about him. Setsuna-san, someday you and I will go to a shonen-ai dessert bar, and be overcome with yum. And R.C. McLachlan! To me, it's almost like having Douglas Adams review my Hitchhiker's Guide story .. You are the goddess of Aaya-Tori. And KuraiHimitsu... most of the funny/weird typos are from the demons that eat some letters when you upload. I've noticed it happens to all my stories, and I go back to revise the original, but there's nothing to revise because it was only an upload error. All the same, thanks for the offer I heart your take on my story, FireChibi XD It rocks my socks. Deathtoallclovers!! You're the final reviewer before this chapter! Feel special!

There. Now, finally, on to the feature presentation!

* * *

_Foreshadow_

All day, I simply dreaded the moment I know would come. How many people can honestly say they blame me...? Aniki was... adopted. Somehow, he just had to be. He was too strange, to different from the rest of the family, and yet...

Of course, what Shigure-san took seriously I should take seriously as well. He and aniki were similar enough, but still different. Shigure-san was definitely more sensible, but again, only to a point. I really have no idea how someone like Hatori-san could get mixed up with them, maybe he was a little looser when he was younger, he would have had to be. I notice though, that the three of them spend less time all together, and more time paired away, talking about each other. Aniki didn't spend as much time with Hatori-san as Shigure-san did, but that's not something unusual; even Hatori-san's patience has it's limits.

Shigure-san being so serious about something though, meant it was a big thing. I wanted to know what he knew, maybe I could understand aniki a little better. And I really want to understand him better. He aggravates me so, and I really have no idea why or how, but if I knew then it may frustrate me less, and he could actually calm down. Winding other people up winds him up. Just about everything else does too... but that's beside the point.

Shigure saying something seriously made me more inclined to believe it, and him saying Ayame was troubled... it was somehow unthinkable. How could anything sway the flamboyant and extravagant Ayame Sohma, former student body president?

'Yuki!' Cried that familiar voice in an excited tone. I managed to sidestep before being toppled over by the too-tall bundle of 'brotherly love'. It didn't matter how tall he was, it was too much all the same. I was fortunate I was off the school grounds and that I wasn't being trailed by any stragglers from that fan club... There was little point in hiding. At least he wouldn't be embarrassing me in front of anyone else, I just had to be embarrassed for the both of us myself.

'Ayame-san.'

'I'm so glad I finally found you, you're a hard person to keep up with! Are you going anywhere in particular? Tohru-kun isn't walking with you? My, where's Tohru-kun?'

'First... I got that feeling this morning when I woke up that I'd be seeing you, so I made an effort to make sure Honda-san didn't have to be involved.'

'Brotherly instincts! I knew we'd see each other when I woke up, too. We both have the very same intuition, I don't see why we don't run into each other more often.' He smiled his cheesy grin as we walked. Brotherly instincts indeed. If there were such thing, I'd use them to avoid his eccentricity when it wasn't appropriate; during school, in company, after school doing homework...

It probably was best to just cut to the chase. Then his problem could be solved more quickly, and so could mine. 'So... something bothering you?'

'Yuki-kun! Brotherly instincts strike again! Yes, yes, there has been something bothering me...' He had that look... he was going to go into one of his absurd stories again. Maybe Shigure was wrong... or maybe he feigned seriousness just to stick me out on a limb, out here with Ayame as a part of some sort of pact the two of them had. It was almost second-nature now, filtering out all the audio rubbish that always seemed to come from him.

Really, deep down, I felt badly for him. Shigure-san was his only close friend in the whole world. Hatori-san put up with him, but that was the extent of that. I even felt bad for not being interested in involving myself with him. If he weren't so strange, obnoxious...

I came out of my thoughts, realizing that silence had fallen. Silence from Ayame, when he was walking with me. Aniki didn't simply run out of things to say. If he couldn't think of anything, he'd find something anyway, commenting on stranger's attire, or the history of a particular building we pass, which always turns out to be utter nonsense.

But he was silent.

'Ayame...?'

'Gure-san made you come today.' He said, quite simply and plainly. I stared, I admit I couldn't really help it. Strangely intuitive... unusually serious. 'How'd he do it? I know you aren't big on doing things with me.'

'I...' I was at a loss. Ayame's internal seriousness rose all by itself as he chattered, and I wasn't even paying enough attention to know what triggered it. 'He told me something was bothering you.'

Ayame smiled. It was a sedate smile, with little of his usual enthusiasm. 'No brotherly instincts then, huh?'

'No, I guess not.' I looked at him carefully... no, I hadn't seen him quite like this. The other times I'd seen him serious, and I could count on one hand, he bounced back up after a few minutes, when he thought of something else interesting to say. I waited for it... but it didn't happen. The only thing that did happen was we got a little closer to Shigure-san's house. The silence between us became somehow oppressing... it felt oddly like drowning, even though I don't know first-hand what that's like, I might have an idea now.

'Erm... weren't we going to a park of some kind?' I figured that even an awkward topic would be better than that looming silence.

'Park?' He echoed vaguely. 'No, I'll just walk you home. I need to talk to Gure-san again, anyhow.'

'Ayame,' I said, my footsteps hesitating. 'What is the matter?'

'Worry, Yuki.' He said, looking a little startled. 'You worry, Tohru-kun worries, Tori-san worries, everyone does.'

He was worried about something? And he was actually showing it? Something that worried him to this extent couldn't be anything at all good. Could this somehow be just another part of the plot to get me to like him...? No, Ayame couldn't fake being this serious. He'd die laughing ten minutes in. 'You're acting very strange. What exactly are you worried about?'

'Nothing that would worry you, Yuki, so it's alright.'

He just brushed me off...? He acts strange, makes me wonder, and pretends it's not important? 'Fine, Ayame, I bite. You really want me to press, or play along or something? If it's something you don't want to tell me then it really must be worth saying for a change, so go ahead and say it.' It didn't occur to me until I was finished that maybe I was being a bit harsh... it really did seem like he was trying me yet again though, but the circumstances were completely different. Somehow the feeling of annoyance was the same, even though I shouldn't just be mad at him for being strangely quiet.

He was shaking his head fairly forcefully. 'No, I don't want you to press, Yuki-kun...'

I relaxed my tone. Agitating him would make things worse. 'You said I worried, a little while ago. Right now, I'm actually worried about you. I'm not allowed to know why?'

Again, he shook his head, and there was another pause... 'But, you know... Yuki? Even though we're not going, I could still tell you about that park...' In a flash, he was himself again, leaving me with a vague feeling of whiplash. 'Ah, the good high school days... you see, Gure-san and myself were planning Tori-san's upcoming birthday...'

And to my shock, he just continued with the nonsense as though nothing at all had happened. His movements were the same, his words as loud as ever, but I knew what I'd seen. It was like some dark storm that followed him, and it rained particularly hard that day. The way he just continued on was flawless, like he'd had practice, or somehow... was used to it, and as inexplicable as it all was, the confusion definitely served only to worsen my worry.

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	5. Sugar

At long friggin' last.

I really don't know what happened. There was the bizarre FF7 disease that I managed to cure myself of, thank god, then another bout with Pirates, then NaNoWriMo, and school, emotional crises, and before I knew it, a year and a half had gone by. I don't know how much longer my House stories will be neglected, but man. I can still manage to force myself to write this even though it's been two years since I wanted anything to do with Fruits Basket. It's perhaps a touch short, but ugh.

Anywho, for those of you who think it's been sad so far… oh, just you wait. This chapter actually moves the plot forward, just in case some of you were getting anxious. This chapter's a little cuter than the others... I don't like Tohru that much… but when I have to write for characters I don't like they usually end up being changed ever-so-slightly so I can write without puking. That is all.

* * *

_Sugar_

Vacuuming, dusting, washing dishes, sweeping the porch, making the beds, cooking dinner while cooking lunch for the next day… chores in general, really, I find relaxing. It doesn't make much sense, but I can think better when my hands are working, too. Currently I was finishing up some baking that Shigure-san had asked of me before running off saying something about an emergency, but there was a sigh in his eyes, so it probably had to do with his editor. They were just cupcakes, they'd probably be finished before he got back.

The front door opened as I slipped them into the preheated oven carefully. The door squeaked as I closed it, and I set aside the oven mitts before going to greet Yuki-kun. Shigure-san had told me that he'd be with Ayame, so I wasn't expecting him back so soon…

Yuki-kun looked worn as he came in, and I could hear immeadiately that Ayame-san was still with him.

'-blindfolded, so naturally he couldn't see anything that was going on, but I think I was laughing too loudly so he mostly figured out what was going on - hello, Tohru-kun!- and Gure-san kept poking me in the side, so that didn't help any. I think I figured out then why people are ticklish, did I ever tell you?'

'Repeatedly.' Yuki-kun replied as he set aside his shoes and hung up his coat.

I knew that Ayame caused Yuki-kun grief… but there was no way in the world that they could be anything but brothers. Yuki cared dearly for Ayame, even though he tried to hide it. Sometimes I think he hides it so well that he forgets it, which is one of the only things Yuki's ever done that I didn't admire of him... Ayame adored Yuki-kun; actually, he seemed to adore a lot of people, but Yuki in particular. Even with the misunderstandings and, at times, avoidance, they're the best brother-duo I've met.

I knew Yuki had homework, he always does, but because Ayame-san had followed him, there was probably something they needed to talk about. Ayame started to follow Yuki to his room, starting into another one of his epic sagas.

'Ayame-san?'

He twirled around to face me. Yuki-kun also glanced back. 'Tooohru-kun?'

'Why are people ticklish?'

Ayame-san came back towards me as Yuki gave me a little nod of thanks and vanished into his room. 'Funny you should ask, Tohru-kun.' He said with a smile. I liked Ayame's stories, even though I knew some of them couldn't be true... most likely… and it wouldn't do to have another argument as Ayame-san interrupted Yuki's work. Yuki-kun was top of the class, it wouldn't take him too long to finish, and then he could talk with Ayame-san.

Sitting, Ayame put on his best story-telling face. 'You see, when someone's excited they jump around, if they're girls then they giggle and squeak in most adorable ways, and if they're boys then they do exactly the same thing, but try to look cool. What sorts of things get you excited, Tohru-kun?'

I had to pause. Usually his stories weren't interactive, they were like a ride- you got in, buckled up, and hoped that everything would hold you down so you don't fall over, but in a good way of course, because amusment parks were a blast. Except the huge roller coasters. With that on my mind, my answer came out a little selective. 'Well, going out places like carnivals... there's candy and friends, and prizes. Does it have something to do with tickling people?'

'Do you giggle and squeak at carnivals, Tohru-kun?' He asked in all seriousness.

'Sometimes...'

'Ah well when you get tickled you giggle and squeak unless you're a mean person. That's a gender all it's own. But anyway, when you're in a good mood and you move around a lot, your skin gets excited. It thinks it's in its own little amusement park. Skin loves the sun and the exercise and the little electric fan squirty bottles! All it takes is one little poke to make it spread to you too, because it's your own skin after all.'

In a weird way it made absolutely perfect sense, and I couldn't help but smile at him. 'How did you figure it out?'

Ayame nodded, knowing that we were reaching the ultimate point... I think. 'Because I poke Tori-san and Gure all the time. Tori-san only squeaks when I poke him outside, or after I sprayed him with an electric fan squirty bottle. Gure-san only squeaks if he's been running around a lot.'

I giggled a little at the image of Hatori actually squeaking, it was absurd, but if Ayame had it tried, tested and true then I believed him. It sounded like the three of them always had fun when they were younger. They didn't seem to find the time for each other anymore though, which was a little sad. Such good friends should never drift apart like that.

It seemed as though he had heard my thoughts because he went quiet after that and smiled out the window. It wasn't his usual smile... it was the sort of smile that made you want to cry.

'Tohru-kun?'

'Yes, Ayame-san?'

'What could make a person most happy?'

He still looked out the window. It was difficult for me not to wring my hands. What had come over him? 'Well, each person has a different thing that makes them most happy.'

'What about Hatori-san, then?' He said all at once, so quickly that I almost didn't understand.

So it was about Hatori? Was that why he needed to talk to Yuki? 'Well, he's quiet and serious, but very kind... something simple.'

'Simple...?' He turned to me then and looked as lost as I had ever seen a person.

'Yes, simple...' I thought a moment. Would it be something Hatori-san would like...? He was a complicated person, but maybe the more complicated a person was, the more they needed less complicated things. Yes, it seemed right. 'I've just finished making some cupcakes for Shigure-san, but you and I could make some for Hatori-san, if you want. I know a special recipe, and I'm sure they'd be even better if you made them.'

Ayame's eyes lit up. I sighed silently. The look that had been on his face a moment ago... it didn't suit him at all. Something about it was beyond sad. Maybe that was because he was so rarely anything but happy beyond all reasoning, but in that minute as he thought about Hatori-san it truly betrayed everything that was Ayame. All of the Sohmas seemed to have something plaguing them, and even though I had thought Ayame had been different, except maybe for the Yuki factor, now it looked like it was just something he never turned to look at for himself.

Somewhere inside me, I knew I shouldn't feel so horrible... I was doing all I could in the situation- a little nudge here, some sweets there. It really wasn't up to me to say anything, but there was a helpless feeling... like I should have been doing more, but I just wasn't thinking about it hard enough, and I really wasn't doing everything that I possibly could to help Ayame...

'Tohru-kun, that's a _marvelous_ idea!' He was immediately back to his bubbly self and scurried about the kitchen pulling out all sorts of ingredients, though I'd need almost none of them. 'Do you have colours? They could be all sorts of colours.'

I was glad. If he had stayed like that much longer, I don't know what I would have done. 'If we don't we can certainly go get some. What sorts of colours do you want?'

'Oh, all sorts. Red and blue and yellow, then we can make all the rest of the colours ourselves. It'll be a cupcake rainbow!' He spread his arms in an impressive rainbow gesture. 'Because rainbows and dragons are intimately connected. Did you know, Tohru-kun?'

Dragons and rainbows? 'Well I know that dragons can have shiny rainbow scales, right?'

'Ah, but so can fish, dear Tohru-kun. Rainbows and _dragons_ are an entirely different sort of thing.'

With a smile, I buckled myself in.


End file.
